How Your “Boss Ego,” and Your “Skill Egos,” Compete on Your Life’s Playing Field, and Why it Matters
I have a theory that we have different egos within us.
We have a core image ego, which I call the boss ego that has the most authority over us.
I also think that we have other egos based on our talents, skills, and abilities. I call these your skill egos.
For instance, in my own case, one of my egos is a “Volleyball ego” which allows me to play the game with complete acceptance of my skill level and not feel dejected if I miss some points. I know that I can come back and that I have a good level of skill in the game that makes it fun to play.
So, my Volleyball ego is strong.
Yet, when it comes to softball and baseball, my baseball ego is weak. I’m constantly afraid of missing the ball. My skill and confidence are low. I avoid baseball or softball. I never really learned to catch that well.
Here is one other example: I wanted to learn to speak in public. I took a course in college that helped immensely because the teacher and students were honest as to what I was doing right and wrong.
I remember my first speech in class. I had prepared it well, yet when I gave it, the faces of those in the classroom were bewildered. Some looked bored. Some had wide-eyed confusion as to what I was talking about. Some were sleeping.
When my critique came the instructor told me about Aristotle’s theory that a speaker needed three elements to make a successful speech: logos (logical argument), ethos (one’s reputation that preceded you), and pathos (emotion).
My speech had been all logos and no pathos or ethos.
But the best critique came from one of my classmates, who said, “You never told us what was in it for us. You didn’t make a connection with us.” He was right.
From that moment on I built up my public speaking skill in that class and in life until my public speaking ego was (and is) strong.
Yet, when I made a less than stellar performance at a special conference, my speaking ego was superseded by my boss ego, telling me that I failed. My boss ego was wrong.
I had been given an opportunity to learn from my mistakes.
Instead, I beat myself up.
So, you have to be careful not to let your boss ego, which in many cases represents a negative opinion about yourself from placing you into a state of abject failure.
One way you can protect yourself is to strengthen your special talent egos sufficiently to be able to tell your boss ego to shut up (no disrespect meant).
Questions for self-reflection:
What does my boss ego say to me at certain key junctures of my life?
Is he constructive or destructive?
What are my strongest and weakest skill egos?
Let’s move on. Here are…
Three Ways to Maximize Results
In order to help ourselves understand how we got to where we are, and how to get to where we want to go, it may help to formalize certain key elements that either strengthen or weaken your ego’s chances to do its job.
First, there is the ego itself, whether it’s strong and healthy, or less than optimum. I will use the term “positive” for a strong ego and “negative” for a less than optimum ego.
The second factor is one’s view of reality. Is it based on facts or feelings? In other words, is it a primacy of existence orientation (based on facts) or is it a primacy of consciousness orientation (based on feelings and wishful thinking)? Even a strong, healthy ego would be severely hampered by a wishful thinking orientation, instead of a fact-finding one.
The third factor (and be aware that there may be more) is one’s degree of talent and skill in a specific area.
These three factors, although not exhaustive, form your core of competency in the area of life you are dealing with.
Let’s try out the formulas. For the Primacy of Existence mode, I will use the word “facts.” And for the Primacy of Conscious mode, I will use “feelings.”
For the degree of skill, we’ll use “high” or “low-/average.”
The Ego column represents either a positive or negative ego. The Reality column denotes whether one bases decisions primarily on facts or feelings.
The Skill column represents either high or average/low skill.
Finally, the Potential Success column is my estimate of how these three factors play out on each line. Of course, I could be wrong in my estimates. Fundamentally, it’s up to the individual.
Although winning and losing can’t be guaranteed, and there is always the element of chance or luck, it is the ones who consistently follow the facts and have higher levels of skill, and an ego to back them up, who will come out on top. Also, consider how this can play out in teams, where each member of the team will fall somewhere on this chart. A team member’s average/low skill in an area can be compensated by another team member’s high skill. The same applies to other factors as well.
Questions for Self-Reflection:
Where do I fall on the ego formula spectrum based on specific skills?
Where do I fall in general?
Where would I like to fall and how can I get there?
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Ken West is the author of the books, Capitalism WIIFM, Your Life Zones, Achieve Your Purpose, Get What You Want, and Your Ego: It’s Your Salvation and Not Your Original Sin.
Ken divides his time between Southwest Florida and New England.
If you’d like to receive updates on upcoming books or special offers, ask to be included on his mailing list. His email is KenWest@BetterGripMedia.com.
