Plus Our Patented Bonus Step that Helps You Prepare for the 2020 Presidential Election
We know who your are.
No need to describe your addiction in all its tawdry detail.
Instead, let’s jump in and tackle this issue right now.
Here is the 7-step program designed to rehabilitate Facebook addicts, thus sending you on the straight and narrow path of social media righteousness.
Read all of this program before following these steps:
Then…
Step 1: Turn off your computer, laptop, tablet, and/or smart phone.
Step 2: Turn them back on again, but don’t sign into Facebook. If Facebook still pops up, immediately go to The New York Times instead.
Step 3: Take a deep breath. Then another. Then one more.
Step 4: Pretend that Facebook never existed.
Step 5: Take another deep breath. Then another. Drink an 8-ounce glass of Fresca. (Yes, believe it or not, it still can be found on the bottom shelf at the supermarket.)
Step 6: Write a letter to the editor at The New York Times in response to one of their editorials. (Any editorial will do.)
Step 7: Now (and only now) log on to Facebook. Update your status with a confession to all your friends and family that you are a Facebook addict. Ask for their help and support, specifically requesting that they unfriend you.
Now log off and take a walk.
You are now ready for your Special Patented Bonus Step, guaranteed to purge the last of your Facebook longings from your subconscious and conscious mind.
Bonus Step 8: Log back on to Facebook, and follow the instructions below:
If you are a Republican, right-leaning Independent, or Libertarian: Make yourself read out loud every comment and post by Senator Elizabeth Warren.
To gain access to those comments and posts, type in Elizabeth Warren, then swallow hard and hit the Like button. (No one ever said this would be easy.)
You’ll be granted instant access to her wisdom and insights about “Medicare for All,” free college tuition, and what have you.
If you are a Democrat, left-leaning Independent, or a member of the who knows what party: Make yourself read out loud every Tweet by President Donald Trump. This may take you some time. (But, be brave… You can do this!)
Now, due to the subtle brilliance of these 7 Steps, but particularly Patented Bonus Step 8, you will have been cleansed of any inclination to get your Facebook fix.
Purged at last. Purged at last.
Thank God almighty, you are purged at last.
Always be aware, however, that the addiction you suffered from will never be totally gone, so you must continue to read Elizabeth Warren’s posts until after the election in 2020.
The same applies to the other side of the isle folks; continue to read Donald Trump’s Tweets (all of them) until after the election in 2020.
Meanwhile my friends, sin no more. Be good, be safe, be vigilant.
Since this is a Beta test of our new 7-Step program (plus patented bonus step 8), please send your comments, corrections, suggestions, updates, and inevitable praise. Thank you for your support.
